Knocking Is Important
by lexieconextreme
Summary: Ed doesn't knock on doors. Ever. And as often as he regrets it, he still makes no attempt to adjust his behavior, no matter how embarrassing or disastrous the turn-out is. Series of one-shots. I don't own anything.
1. Incident 1

**A/N: My sister never knocks when she enters my room. That's where this came from, just fyi.**

* * *

 **Incident 1**

Ed had always stumbled into rooms without knocking first, but it wasn't really of much consequence until he was a little older. The first time of note was in his very own home, when he was around five years old.

He had been running at top speed, heading straight for the bathroom. Little Edward had just come in from outside, where it was raining cats and dogs. And of course, moving water, especially rain, does not do the nearly-full bladder any good.

So there he was, moving like a comet, streaking into the living room, up the stairs, into the halll, and bursting through the bathroom door without a second thought.

"BROTHER!"

The half-indignant, half-shocked shriek scared the daylights out of Ed, and he backpedaled as fast as he could into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

"Sorry, Al!"

A soft sigh. "It's fine, brother."

"...Hey, Al?"

"Yes?"

"Could you maybe hurry up?"


	2. Incident 2

**Incident 2**

The second occurrence of this strange habit took place, embarrassingly enough (for both parties), in school.

Now, inside Ed and Al's little school were two bathrooms; one for the boys and one for the girls. Those were for passing-time usage, or when you had just arrived at school, or when you were leaving.

Then, there were the single bathrooms that resided in teachers' rooms. There were only two of these bathrooms, because there were only two kindergarten teachers, and it had been decided by whoever ran the Risembool school district that only the younger kids needed bathrooms within a few seconds' reach.

And so it was, one day, that Ed was sitting quietly in class and watching the teacher, when the irresistible urge to use the bathroom once again seized him. Without waiting to ask his teacher's permission, or checking to see if anyone from his class might be missing from their desk, he zoomed toward the bathroom.

Once again moving like a little comet, little Edward rushed to the door, grabbed the handle and yanked open the door. A girl's shriek immediately sounded from within, and Ed's teacher rushed up from behind and closed the door quickly. The teacher looked down at Ed with no small amount of amusement.

"Maybe we should try _knocking_ next time?" She suggested.

Ed nodded, a light blush covering his face, and sat down by the bathroom door to wait.

* * *

 **(Tiny A/N) This actually happened to me once -_- I was the girl in the bathroom, and it just so happened that I was wearing a dress that day, and had it pulled up around my stomach. H**


	3. Incident 3

**Incident 3**

Forgetting his teacher's advice, the next time this happened was at Winry's house. It was her birthday, and both Ed and Al were eager to start creating Winry's gift for her. They had their transmutation circle planned out and everything!

"She's upstairs, getting ready," Pinako told the two boys, when asked where their friend was. Both boys zoomed up the stairs before Pinako could finish, leaving the old lady in a cloud of smoke. She laughed softly, knowing the two boys wouldn't ask to enter Winry's room before doing so.

Now, this story among the others is rather unextraordinary, except for the fact that Alphonse was with his older brother on this day. We'll think of it as a temporary lapse in judgement, as Alphonse was always the more sensible of the two brothers. And we must think of it as a learning point for little Al, as he never again entered a private room without knocking first after this incident.

Sadly, the same could not be said for Edward.

So the two brothers raced up the stairs, all but kicking down Winry's bedroom door in their excitement to celebrate their friend's birthday.

"AGH!"

Winry, luckily, had just pulled her shirt down a moment before the two boys had entered. That wasn't enough to curb her rage, however. Of course, the wrench was always the solution.

"PERVERTS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM? GET OUT!"

BANG

"OW! Winry, we're sorry!"

BANG

"We're leaving, okay?!"

Two consecutive BANGS, followed by pained groaning.

Down below, on the first floor, Pinako chuckled, smiling around her pipe.


	4. Incident 4

**Incident 4**

Now, of course there were more instances of poor Edward's embarrassing habit, but none of them were really of note. Ed ran into whatever room without knocking, got yelled at/injured, and didn't learn his lesson. But we won't cover those, as they are relatively uninteresting.

This next story was an instance a few years after the last, after Edward had lost his limbs. In fact, it was only a few weeks after the transmutation.

Perhaps the lack of knocking in this particular story is understandable, as our hero was in quite a bit of both physical and mental pain. Automail surgery is no joke.

Anyway, it was a few days after the actual surgery itself and Pinako had finally given Ed the _okay_ for taking a bath, as long as he didn't stay in the tub too long and he didn't use a lot of soap, as that could affect the automail, or irritate the skin around the ports.

So Ed walked slowly and painfully to the bathroom, Al walking hesitantly behind him, worried that his brother might collapse.

Edward stopped to lean against the wall, breathing heavily. "I'm fine, Al, really. I can make it."

"I know you can, brother, I'm just making sure." Worry dripped from his little brother's voice, and Ed sighed, angry at himself for making Al feel this way. All he wanted to do was be able to suck it up and act like he wasn't in pain, but Ed couldn't do that now. It just hurt _so damned much_.

"I'm okay, Al." Ed tapped lightly with his flesh knuckles on Al's armor. "Wait for me in our room, okay?"

Still worried. "O-Okay, brother." The empty armor walked slowly away, and Ed winced at the sound of his every step, as if each clash of Al's walk was a punishment all by itself.

Al having turned the corner, Ed continued on his agonizing walk to the bathroom. Obviously, it wasn't far, as Al wouldn't have left him if he _was_ farther away, but it still hurt. Finally, Ed leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door, breathing heavily once again.

All he wanted to do right then was huddle up with exhaustion and go to sleep right there on the floor, but Edward hated the feeling of his greasy, sweaty hair matted against his scalp. He wanted it gone, and gone it would get.

So Ed, pushing himself away from the wall, held out a hand to open the door. I feel I must point out that, in his pain, Edward had completely missed the hot water vapor coming from under the door, and the sound a few splashes of water here and there.

Also, a very feminine _humming_.

Edward, pushing open the door, had no idea what he was going to find waiting for him on the other side of the door. So when he saw Winry, standing up in the bath with not a lick of clothing on her body, it was a miracle he didn't drop from exhaustion or shock right then and there.

Instead, as mentioned before, too exhausted to scream and run and hide from an angry Winry, Edward just stared at his friend for a moment. Winry stared back at him with horror, more because of the zombified, ghastly, uncaring look on Ed's face than anything else.

Then, with no trace of fear or embarrassment, Ed turned and walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

"God, he really _is_ out of it, isn't he?" Winry murmured, stepping out of the bath and pulling a towel close around her body. "I can't even get mad at him now."

The look on Ed's face scared her far more than him seeing her naked, and Winry wanted nothing more than to never see that look again.


	5. Incident 5

**Incident 5**

Happily, there was never another incident like the previous story. That horrifying look Winry hated so much never appeared on Ed's face again, and the rest of the stories I have to tell you are much more amusing, thank the Truth.

Now, we'll go on and skip ahead to Edward's military days. I'll tell you now, because of Edward's odd habit (no better than randomly stripping off all your clothes in the most serious of situations), he had come into more than his fair share of accidentally walking into abandoned offices or other rooms to find military officers, ahem, _doing the do_.

Ed had accidentally walked in on all sorts of people in all manner of positions. And, while he realized these walk-ins gave him some wonderful information to use against higher ups, he rarely ever used it. When he did, it was always effective.

For example, there was a brief period of time when General Hakuro was trying to remove Edward from Mustang's team, and Mustang's team was working almost around the clock, trying to keep him in that office. Edward had been told that there was nothing he could do to help, so he was left to walk around East HQ with nothing to do but feel helpless.

So as he was walking and exploring, Ed decided to go into one of the darkened offices for whatever reason. When he succeeded in unlocking the door, he walked into the room to find Hakuro and a pretty young lady from the secretarial pool in a very compromising (not to mention scarring to Edward's virgin eyes) position.

Hakuro had just stared at Ed, and Ed back at him, for thirty shocked seconds. It had taken Edward's quick mind about half that amount of time to come up with an ultimatum to give Hakuro.

"Let me stay under Mustang's command, or I'll tell the military and your wife about what I've seen here today."

Hakuro had looked even more shocked at the fact that a Major was threatening him, a fucking _General_ , but had been quick to accept the ultimatum, and with more than a little relief that his secret might yet be kept. Ed gave his word that as soon as Hakuro gave the orders to let him stay with Mustang, his lips would be as if sewn shut.

So Ed had walked away happy, and went quickly to Mustang's office to inform the Colonel that there was no longer a problem to be dealt with.


	6. Incident 6

**Incident 6**

As I said before, there were many of these accidental military walk-ins, but few more that were really of any note.

It was time for another meeting with Mustang, and Ed just wanted to get it over with. Like he always did.

As was his habit, Edward made no effort whatsoever to knock. Instead, he preferred to just kick open the door. It was more fun that way, after all. And so it was this way that he entered Mustang's outer office, which didn't really cause a fuss because there was nothing awkward at all happening in that room.

So, as Edward walked by, Mustang's men called out greetings to their fellow soldier, and Ed waved back to them all cheerfully. Now, as he approached Mustang's office, he prepared to kick open the door once again, then thought better of it. Mustang was never pleased when Ed did that, and often repaid him by giving the brothers a mission that had little or nothing to do with the philosopher's stone.

Instead, with a silent groan, Edward reached for the door knob and gently pushed open the door. And, again, didn't knock. So it was with complete shock that Ed realized he hadn't seen Hawkeye in the outer office, and that fact had been _really_ weird, as Hawkeye was _always_ in the outer office.

And what was even weirder was seeing Hawkeye leaning against Mustang's desk, pushed up against _Mustang_ (of all people), and making out with him. Like, intensely. Utter shock was the only thing that kept Edward from shouting out in complete disgust, as immature fourteen-year-old boys suddenly confronted with anything approaching romantic (such as making out) are prone to do.

It was lucky for the two within the office that Ed's shock kept him silent, as any exclamation would have drawn the team to Mustang's door.

It only took the Hawk's ears a moment to pick up the sound of someone else breathing. She spun toward the door, eyes widening upon seeing Ed. In only a moment, in what seemed faster than light, the First Lieutenant was standing by the door and shutting it.

Edward jumped, stare moving between the latter and Mustang, both of whom, I feel I must point out, were sporting a blush about the same color as Edward's coat.

"Ahem," Hawkeye coughed. "I'll be outside...sir."

Mustang nodded, looking strained. The minute she was outside, the Colonel collapsed into his chair.

"Come here, Fullmetal."

Sure he was going to get in trouble for spying or something, Ed approached cautiously. When he stood in front of the desk, the Colonel opened his dark eyes to stare tiredly into Edward's golden ones. "I need you to do me a favor, Ed, and not tell anyone about what you just saw."

Ed tilted his head confused. "Sure, but wh-"

"Because it's- _we_ are against military regulations, Ed. Both me and Riza could lose our jobs over something like that."

Edward's eyes widened. If Mustang lost his job, then Ed would be transferred to another commanding officer, and that meant no more searching for the philosopher's stone.

"Okay," he said quickly. "I won't tell."

Roy looked at him for another moment, then nodded. "Thank you, Ed."

* * *

 **(Tiny A/N: Shameless Royai is shameless)**


	7. Incident 7

**Incident 7**

Time for a little deviation from the actual plot line, hmmm? This incident is not Edward's fault so much as, well... someone else's. We'll just go with that for now. Actually, it _was_ Edward's fault, but it wasn't him who didn't knock.

"Brother, Mr. Hughes wants us to come over for dinner."

Ed groaned. "Why? So he can regale us with tales of his _adorable_ little daughter while we watch the tales unfold before us? The man is like a running commentary of his daughter's life, and I don't need to hear it!"

Al watched him amusedly. "But Mr. Hughes is our friend, brother. He says Miss Gracia has enough food for everyone. I think we should go."

Edward shook his head. "Nah. I'm too busy! We have to get through these books, and going over to Hughes' would only take up valuable time."

"Brother, he's on the phone. And he's asking for you."

With a grimace that turned frighteningly quickly into a mischievous grin that would make Loki jealous, Ed stretched out his hand, at the same time making a horrifying groan. As if he were sick.

" _Ed_?" The young alchemist could already hear Hughes' concerned voice over the line, and Ed almost smiled. " _Ed, buddy? You okay_?"

"Yeah Hughes," dramatic cough for effect. "I'm fine, I guess. I'm not really feelin' up to coming over tonight. Is some other night okay?"

Al glared at his older brother with soul-fire eyes, then shook his head. He hoped Edward wouldn't make a habit of lying to their friends simply because he felt like it.

" _Aw, I'm sorry to here that. And Elicia was looking forward to having her big brothers over for dinner tonight._ " Silence for a moment, and Ed grew a little nervous. " _Out of curiosity, Ed, do you know what made you so sick?_ "

Edward's eyes widened. Well, shit. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He struggled for a moment for something to say.

" _Ed?_ "

Realizing his silence was far too long, Ed covered up his brain-fart with the fakest wracking cough you've ever heard, struggling to come up with a good excuse.

Finally, he came up with something simple. So simple, it really shouldn't have been that hard to think up.

"I made a sandwich out of the deli meats in the fridge and now I really don't feel good. I guess it's just-" another wracking cough and a pitiful groan for good measure- "food poisoning."

" _Well, Ed, that really is too bad. I guess we'll just have to see you two another night_." Something sounded off about Hughes's voice, but the young alchemist couldn't figure out what it was.

"Sorry, Hughes. I'll make it up to you guys another time."

" _Bye, Ed."_

Ed handed the phone back to Al, then lay back down and smirked up at the ceiling.

"Don't be so glad that worked, brother. And don't get in the habit of lying to our friends whenever you don't feel like seeing them."

Ed made a face at his younger brother. "I won't, I promise. But we've got too much to do tonight."

Al nodded. "Fine. I guess."

* * *

Only about an hour later, Ed was lying on his bed, munching on a deli meat sandwich and reading one of the alchemy books from the library. Al leaned against the bed, legs folded and also reading. The hotel room was completely silent except for the sound of Ed's chewing (which, I'll point out, was starting to get on Al's nerves).

Then, with an explosive bang, the door slammed open to reveal a certain family-obsessed military man, standing in the doorway with the most severe look on his face the Elric brothers had ever seen.

"Hey there, Elrics!" He said jovially, striding into the room. Hughes stared Ed hard in the eye, and Ed gulped.

"Food poisoning, huh?" Hughes's glance moved to the sandwich in Edward's hand, then back up to the alchemist's eyes. Ed guiltily tried to hide the food, but couldn't do much in his shock.

"You're coming with me, boys!" The soldier exclaimed, reaching forward to grab Ed's arm. "And you aren't getting out of it!"

Al laughed and stood. Ed glared at him, then at Hughes. "Hey! How'd you know I wasn't sick!"

"I'm in Investigations, remember?"

Ed huffed, but accepted the answer.

"Also." Hughes turned to look at him. "Why on earth would you be coughing when you have food poisoning?"

The alchemist gaped, but submitted himself to be dragged along behind the enthusiastic soldier.

* * *

 **Prompt: I made a casserole (sandwich, in the story)out of the deli meats in my fridge, and now I really don't feel good.**

 **(Tiny A/N: I stole this prompt from a Superfruit video, called 101 Ways to Ditch Your Friends.)**


	8. Incident 8

**Incident 8**

As I said a few chapters ago, there were more than a few times when Edward walked in on something he shouldn't have inside military HQ. Some were relatively unpleasant (for Edward), like the last incident. Some were... helpful, I guess we could say.

There were, however, very few instances where Ed walked out of a room he hadn't knocked at in order to enter, feeling very satisfied with himself. The second time he walked in on Roy Mustang was one of those such instances.

It wasn't long after his last walk-in on Riza and Roy that the young alchemist returned from yet another mission, terribly-written report in hand and half a mind to once again barge into Mustang's office unannounced.

However, the memory of the last time he had done that still haunted this alchemist's immature little brain, so when he entered the outer office, he looked very carefully around the room to make sure Hawkeye was in.

The sniper glanced up as he entered, catching his wary stare. A small, not-even-half-a-smile appeared on her face, because she knew exactly why he was watching. She pointed with her pen toward the door to the inner office.

"He's inside, Edward."

The boy nodded, and hurried over to the door. And not knocking. Again. Little twerp.

Ed pushed open the door quickly and quietly, which was very uncharacteristic of him. He would have kicked it open, but the knowledge that there was a sniper behind his back kept him from doing something so... extravagent. So he was silent. Though, he didn't knock.

When the door closed behind him, Hawkeye shook her head, wondering if he would ever learn.

Edward, on the other side of the door, was grinning maliciously. Asleep at the desk at the end of the room was Colonel Roy Mustang, sagging in his chair and drooling just a little.

He approached, making sure to step lightly with his left leg so as not to waken his superior. He set the messy report on Mustang's desk in front of him, hesitated, then clapped his hands briskly. Not to transmute anything, you understand. Just to test the solidity of the man's sleep. Upon finding that the Colonel would not awake, Edward grinned again, then grabbed a sharpie from the basket of writing utensils.

Quickly, the teen went to work. He didn't really want to take the chance that Hawkeye would enter and catch him, or that Mustang would wake up and catch him. Neither of the options above sound fun, so moving quickly it was.

* * *

Hawkeye, upon deciding that Edward had been inside too long (about two minutes) and there hadn't any enraged shouting yet, collected some paperwork the Colonel had neglected to sign and started toward the door.

As she reached toward the door knob, Ed opened the door and stepped out, quietly shutting it behind him.

Hawkeye blinked, surprised. "What are you doing out so soon?" She asked.

Ed thrust his thumb over his shoulder at the door. "Colonel Dumbass is asleep, so I just left the report on his desk."

" _That_ took two minutes?"

Ed shifted uncomfortably. "I was leaving him a note. I was right-handed before... the _accident_ , but you can't write with automail, so I'm still learning to write with my left hand. I had to re-write the note a few times before it was readable."

The Lieutenant's eyes softened. "I understand. Better get going, if you want to avoid a chat."

Ed nodded, and continued his way out the door, quietly sniggering to himself. Seeing that no one else, for whatever reason, was in the outer office, Ed called out to Hawkeye before she could pull open the door.

"Also, you probably won't wanna be kissing him for a little while. Just sayin'." Then, laughing, escaped quickly before a certain Flame Colonel or or skilled sniper could discover what he'd done.

Hawkeye, eyebrow risen to its full height, opened the door quickly. Then, upon seeing what Ed had done and despite the stern face she showed the world, broke into her own little giggles.

* * *

It was these giggles that woke Roy from his sleep. He hadn't heard that sound in years, not since before Master Hawkeye had died. Before that, even.

Roy blinked awake, looking around in confusion before settling on the source of the noise. Riza had a hand over her mouth, stifling laughter. The Colonel's confusion grew. "What?"

She didn't answer, simply pointing at his face. Roy looked down at his desk, eyes only catching Edward's report and note before he opened one of his drawers and searched for a mirror of some sort.

Finding one and pulling it out, he simply stared at his reflection for a moment, then moved his stare down to where Ed's report sat, then back to the mirror.

Childishly drawn on his face was a very humiliating mustache, if it could even be called that. Pedo-stache was a more apt title.

"FULLMETAL!"

Neither the Colonel nor the Lieutenant noticed that Edward had left one of the windows behind the Colonel's desk open before he left, and neither of them noticed the boy in the bright red coat standing beneath it, almost slapping his knees with laughter.

The only one not laughing in this situation was the poor Colonel, who, I'm sure you're all _very_ interested to know, would later spend most of the night trying to scrub sharpie off his face in time for the military meeting the next morning.

* * *

 **(Tiny A/N: Thank the Truth for Shimmering-Sky. She saved me and this chapter. Long story short, my computer crashed and I lost all the ideas I had typed up for this. I asked her for an idea AND SHE CAME THROUGH! Thanks, friend!)**


	9. Incident 9

**Incident 9**

Time to steer ourselves away from military awkwardness for a little while on Ed's lack of an ability to knock at doors. We'll skip a few years, so Edward is now fifteen and still can't won't knock worth a shit.

He had just returned from yet another mission of the stupid bastard colonel's, and Ed was bone tired. Everything ached, and he really just wanted to take a nice long bath and go to bed.

Ah, yes... bed. That sounded nice. But first: bath. Ed staggered into the hotel room, dumped his suitcase onto the bed, opened it and took out his pajamas before pushing open the door of the bathroom without a second thought (or knock).

Now, in this story, Ed can't exactly be blamed for not knocking. For one thing, it IS his own hotel room, although at the moment, he's sharing it not only with Al but with Winry as well. For another thing, the person waiting in the bathroom for him isn't really supposed to be there.

"I'm gonna be in here for awhile, Al!" Ed called over his shoulder, pushing the door shut after hearing Alphonse's response.

Ed sighed, and, leaving his pajamas on the toilet, started warm water running in the tub and leaned against the wall to wait. Slowly, he watched the tub fill, and as the temperature of the bathroom rose because of the warm water, the teen's tensed muscles and aching ports began to ease before he even touched the water.

Seeing the tub was filled, Edward quickly climbed out of his clothes and into the tub, making a rather inappropriate sound when the automail ports met warm water. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes, Ed began to relax for the first time in ages.

"You can't be enjoying a simple bath _that_ much," a voice said suddenly, and Edward yelped in surprise, eyes opening and widening in shock as he searched for the speaker.

He didn't have to search long, because apparently Ling Yao has no sense of personal space.

Sitting across from the alchemist, in the tub (and naked, mind you) was the young Prince of Xing.

"LING! What the hell?" Edward gasped, sounding strangled. Ling simply looked at him strangely, as if Ling wasn't the one with the problem.

"Why are you enjoying yourself so much? This doesn't even _smell_ good! And actually, why do people like taking baths in the first place? You're not actually cleaning your body, you're just sitting in your own dirt!"

Ed, coming out of his shock, just glared at the prince. "Seriously? If you don't like baths so much, then why the hell are you here?"

Ling's distracted eyes met the alchemist's questioning ones. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"SO YOU HAD TO GET INTO THE BATHTUB WITH ME?!"

A few moments later, the bathroom door opened, and Edward's metal arm threw the young prince out the door (without the benefit of his clothes, I might add).

Lan Fan got very red, and Al let out a distressed "BROTHER!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Incident 10**

 **(A/N: Last chapter, y'all! This has been fun, but I've got some other stories that I need to focus on! Thanks for stickin' with me!)**

Like I've said before, there were very few times when Edward could walk out the door he hadn't knocked on gleefully. This is another one of those times when he did.

This incident takes place a little while after the Promised Day, so we're skipping ahead a little. Colonel Mustang's vision has been returned, Havoc's legs are in working order, and Lieutenant Hawkeye is back on her feet.

Speaking of... Riza Hawkeye had been forced by her grandfather to take a couple weeks off, outside of her hospitalization, to relax. While the Lieutenant wasn't happy about, she wasn't going to argue. General Grumman was as stubborn as she was, maybe even more so. It wouldn't do any good to argue with him.

And so Riza sat at home most days, or walked Hayate around the rebuilding city of Central. It was good to see that the citizens had been able to work together in order to get everything together. Nothing was better than that.

Well... almost nothing. Sleeping in after a late night was as good as that. Which was what Riza was doing now, half asleep at home. The only thing that could've made it better was sleeping in her bed instead of on the couch, but oh well. That's what she got for staying up so late on the couch.

So it was in this position that Edward discovered her. Knowing full well that Hawkeye happened to have the worst bedhead in the world, Ed had come armed with Hughes's old camera. There was going to be blackmail for days if Ed managed to pull this off. And a bullet in the butt if he didn't, but oh well. Trying would be _so_ worth it.

Riza was drowsing on the couch when Edward gently pushed open her door. She was known as the Hawk for a good reason, of course, but she had been off duty for a few weeks and her senses must have been getting dull. She didn't hear him.

So it was with as much stealth as the teen could muster that he crept into Riza's house, searching for her. It was very early in the morning, so he expected her to still be asleep. Bedroom was no good, of course, as we know. There, on the couch.

Ed grinned and pointed the camera in her direction. It was the click of the camera that did him in. Riza's eyes snapped open, and Ed jumped a good three feet in the air. He was out the door before you could say _knife_ , and Riza chuckled. Oh well.

Anyone who dared laugh at that picture really would get a bullet in the butt. Or in the mouth. Either one worked.


End file.
